Learning to Separate Fear from Truth
After we get hurt, how do we know what is fear and what is our intuition?
8/25/20263 min read
I've been thinking a lot. Like always. I'm wondering...what do I listen to when my mind has so much to say?
Our brains are wired for survival. So when we get hurt, the first thing it does is make sure it knows what happened, what led to the pain, but most importantly - how we felt. There are so many situations where I got hurt and when I think back, I can't remember every detail or sometimes I can't even remember what it was that hurt me so much. But I always remember that awful feeling I had when it happened. And just because I don't conciously remember what the situation was, that doesn't mean my brain doesn't. That's its primary job. To learn so it can keep us from living out the same painful situations, whether it be physical or mental. And while this can be an amazing feature of a brain that can save us from genuine danger, it can also be so confusing for us. Because this fear can feel like intuition.
The problem with this is that the fear can be triggered by old situations and have absolutely nothing to do with the new experience! So how could we know the difference? Because there have been times that I told my brain to be quiet, it was just fear, but turned out it was actually intuition and I got hurt again. And in the same way, I have listened to my brain and found out later that my "intuition" was just fear and what I thought was happening wasn't happening at all. So it really got me thinking, is there even a difference or are they just the same thing? And after thinking about it, honestly, I think they are made up of a lot of the same energy. I don't think they are two completely different things which is what makes it so hard. But there are a few things that can help us recognize what is going on if we sit in the feelings long enough to name them.
Personally, the feelings I have noticed when I am experiencing fear in a situation are urgent and pretty gut-wrenching. They feel like my brain is yelling at me saying, "do not do that, it's going to hurt!". And when this feeling comes, I have a pretty hard time thinking of anything else in the moment. I also notice that it is heavy in past-thinking. I find myself comparing it to a past situation either out loud or in my head. On the other hand, when I feel intuition, it feels more like a quiet awareness of what's happening. And often with intuition, I feel myself not wanting to admit it. I don't know what that is about (lol) but that seems to be what happens, whereas with fear I am very quick to accuse and feel very certain in the moment that I am about to get hurt. Fear feels a lot like a spiral, but intuition feels like a slow understanding.
A question that I ask myself when I get in these situations is, "Is this feeling about the situation I am in now or about something that happened before?". When I bring this to my attention and actually try to answer it out loud, I often gain at least a little bit of clarity (enough to calm myself before I react).
The best thing I can do for myself and the best thing I have done for my relationships with new people, hobbies, or whatever it is, is to let new experiences be NEW experiences. It is so so so difficult, but it really changes how I treat them. When I am intentional with the things I do and remind myself that they are a new situation and experience, I find myself way less likely to be so fearful. And a lot of the time, I have to remind myself to stay open repeatedly. I start well, then feel the fear and doubt creep in. So I take a step back and remind myself, this is new. This thinking has really changed my life and improved my relationships with people, sports, hobbies, etc. I am definitely not perfect at it and still get it wrong. But just moving in the right direction with the right intentions is enough.
So how important is it to know the difference between fear and intuition? Helpful. But not nearly as important as it is to trust yourself to make the decision right for yourself and to forgive yourself when you get it wrong. Because we all get it wrong sometimes! And we all get hurt sometimes. Those things are inevitable. We don't trust ourselves to not ever get it wrong and to not ever get hurt. We trust that when we do, we will be okay.
With much love
From the Matcha Club <3